I wish I could punch you in the face.
I want to have your abortion
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
