You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
