be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
