i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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