this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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