I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
