12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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