I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
