Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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