Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
