We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
