we have officially lost it.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
