he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
