we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
