He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I party with great urgency now.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
