take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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