woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
