dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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