Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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