just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
