Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
