Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
