im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
