I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
