normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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