Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
