So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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