You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
