Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You dont lie about slip and slides
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
40s are totally the cure
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
