Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
