Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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