Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
