ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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