O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
