Welp...herpes.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
