i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
