you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
