I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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