do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
