I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
