If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
