If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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