My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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