I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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