i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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