I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
