It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
