I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
