winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize