Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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