whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
