it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
