Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
