glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
