i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
