Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
