bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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