I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
