we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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