yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
