did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
