I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
