hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
