Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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