i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
