Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
