sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
