If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
