Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
