I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
