i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
