I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
