If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
