my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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