I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
