I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
