Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
