So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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