This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
