An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
