I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
